A woman that I have been blessed to have been spiritually touched by since childhood recently said something that I continuously repeat in my head and say out loud, even to this day . “A woman who heals herself, heals her children’s children.” I sat and thought on that for a minute. When she first said it, I understood it immediately and I whole heartedly agreed.
During a session with a client we were discussing the way that their childhood experiences and interactions with their parents affected the way that their interact in their relationship. We talked about the way their behaviors and learned ideas centered around affection, words of affirmation , and reassurance oddly and vividly mimicked what they saw from their parents as a child. As we processed these early experiences and as my client became aware, they became kind of frustrated because they felt that they had worked so hard to be the opposite of the influencers in their early childhood experiences but ended up being just like them. How sway?? I could see that this client was wondering how they got to this place. It was important that in this moment I acknowledge the courage they took to actually see a counselor and wanting to address those things was such a huge step then I said to them “A person who heals themselves heals their children’s children.”
This concept took on a whole new meaning to me in that moment. I got to see in real time just how true that statement was. The work you are doing not only helps you but it breaks generational cycles and patterns. You get to control the behaviors that you want to pass on. You get to be the pillar of change and become that parent who tells your children that you love them even though you never heard it as a child. You get to validate your children’s creative ideas and encourage them even though every dream you had was torn down by negativity. You get to show your children how to communicate with respect to your partner so that your grandchildren can see that relationships can be healthy when they start to choose who they want to date. You can change what your children and grandchildren will accept as treatment in the work place. The journey becomes more than you. You are passing down healing not hurt. You are passing on promise not pain. I’m not saying that you can solve each and every problem but you sure are lessening the amount that is passed down from you and what you have been carrying.
However , I do want you to know:
- Healing is uncomfortable and may be long, but it is a process that is so rewarding.
- It does not matter how old you are, it is NEVER too early or late to start the process of healing.
- Healing looks different for everyone, but acknowledging what you need to heal from is the first step.
- The only way to let go of the heaviness you have been feeling is through healing.
- Healing is a commitment to a journey.
So many people become frustrated when they learn that their bad habits, patterns , or behaviors developed from their childhood experiences or their environment. I invite you to turn that frustration into empowerment because now you are in control and can do the work so that generations after you don’t have to go through the same things. I don’t know what healing looks like to you. It can be taking time to reflect or finding a therapist, but I want you to know that you can have an impact on people to come and your healing can lead to a ripple effect. What will you be passing on?